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Common Business Phrases – What They Really Mean

For a little Friday afternoon fun, I thought I would pass along something that gave me a good laugh!  I found a list of common office terms and what they really mean on www.bored.com. I’m sure we can all relate to a handful of these business terms.  Go ahead, have a good laugh.  It’s Friday and laughing is good for you!

 

A Clarification – To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

A Conference – A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.

A Meeting – A mass mulling by master minds.

A Program – Any assignment that can’t be completed by one telephone call.

Action is being taken – Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.

Action please – Get yourself involved for me.  Don’t worry, I’ll claim the credit.

Basic agreement has been reached – The @##$%%’s won’t even talk to us.

Consultant (or Expert) – Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.

Coordinator – my guy who has a desk between two expeditors.

Copy to – Here’s a share of the headache.

Essentially complete – It’s half done.

Expedite – To confound confusion with commotion

For your approval, please – Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

For your immediate action – Do it NOW!  Or we’ll all get in trouble.

For your information, please (FYI) – We don’t know what to do with this, so please keep it.

For your necessary action – It’s your headache now.

Give us the benefit of your present thinking – We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already decided to do.

Give us your interpretation – Your warped opinion will be pitted against your adversary’s good sense.

Informed Source – The guy who told the guy you just met.

It is in the process – So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.

Let’s get together on this – I’m assuming you’re as confused as I am.

Not well defined at this time – Nobody’s even thought about it.

Not well understood – Now that we’ve thought about it, we don’t want to think about it anymore.

Note and initial – Let’s spread the responsibility of this.

Noted and returned – We don’t know what to do with this, so please keep it for a while.

Please discuss – I don’t know what the hell this is, so please brief me.

Potential show stopper – The team has updated their resumes.

Regards – Thanks for reading all the bull$%*#.

Reliable source – The guy you just met.

Re-orientation – Getting used to working again.

Requires further analysis and management attention – Totally out of control!

Results are promising – Turned power on and no smoke detected – this time.

Review and comment – Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.

See me, or Let’s discuss – Come down to my office, I’m lonesome.

Serious but not insurmountable problems – It’ll take a miracle.

To activate – To make carbons and add more names to the memo.

To give someone the picture – A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.

To implement a program – Hire more people and expand the office.

To negotiate – To seek a meeting of minds without knocking together of heads.

Under active Consideration – We’re looking for files on it.

Under Consideration – Never heard of it.

We are aware of it – We had hoped that the fool who started it would have forgotten about in by this time.

We are making a survey – We need more time to think of an answer.

We predict – We hope to God!

We will look into it – By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it.

Will advise you in due course – If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.  

Your letter is receiving our attention – We are still trying to figure out what you want.